i’m finally sitting down at my computer 5 weeks after giving birth to our third child, Silas Cameron Ghouchani. i think about his birth often, sometimes replaying each moment in my head. and now i can finally share it with you.
first let me start by saying, this pregnancy went by SO fast. i was so busy with my other two that i barely had time to pack a hospital bag (i did a couple days before i went into labor thankfully) early on i decided this time i wanted a different birth experience. not that the first two were bad… but i wanted to have an empowering birth. the ones i read about so often. a birth that allowed me to trust my own body, letting it do what nature intended it to do. a birth without fear and even pain… i wanted a pain free birth. i wanted my mind to not allow me to be overcome with fear of the pain. and for the last few months of my pregnancy i listened to my hypnobirthing cds and really allowed myself to focus on being still, quiet, and focused. my sweet friend brooke sent me a copy of ina may’s guide to childbirth when i announced i was expecting. let me say that this book became my bible for 9 months. i read it often, especially the last couple of weeks. reading so many amazing birth stories actually made me EXCITED to give birth. i was pumped… ready for my own amazing experience. and when i made it to 40 weeks without a baby, i started getting antsy.
i was having mild contractions for 2 days before my 40 week appointment. at that appointment i asked them to check me (i’ve never been checked before… but i really wanted to know if anything was happening) they told me i wasn’t even dilated, and i remember going home and trying not to think about it. i went for a walk, and started sweeping our porch around 6:30 pm when my water broke. it’s never happened with my other pregnancies, so i didn’t even know if it was really that…
i had a few period like cramps, but nothing major… i was relaxed and excited. i gave kayden a bath, and spent time talking with her. i thought of only having a few hours left with her as her the baby and took our time.
it was now around 8:30 and i was still only having mild period like cramps and feeling nervous that it would be hours and hours before my labor picked up. i decided to go spend time alone in our guest bathroom, listen to my hypnobirthing cd, and have a glass of wine. yep… i enjoyed a big glass of wine, and felt so extremely relaxed. things started picking up momentum, i sat on my birthing ball while the kids checked in on me and kissed me goodnight. i snapped their pic while they were saying “see you soon baby!” their excitement was what i needed to dig deep and focus on the task ahead.
i messaged brooke again, she sort of felt like my long distance doula. she made me feel confident and powerful, even though she was all the way in new york. (i’ll forever love her for the guidance, encouragement, and love)
i got in the shower and my mucus plug fell out, as i had two giant contractions that made me get out, dry off and lay curled up on a giant bean bag in my sons room. it was the first time at this point that frankie checked in on me. i sort of just needed to be alone. and he came in, rubbed my back as i had an intense contraction, which made me wonder if i needed to go to the hospital. i told him i wanted to go after my midwife recommended coming in since my last birth was only 5 hours. the hospital i delivered at was only 3 miles away, and the drive was comfortable, not like the last two times i went. i walked into the er, and it was then i knew i was having this baby sometime soon. i can’t describe the pain. it was intense, it started building up and like a wave, it rushed over my entire body, almost like electricity. i knew when it was building up, and i remember focusing on an object, letting go, taking huge deep breaths, and allowing it to just take over. i remember only about 10 contractions total and with each, the waves just came closer and closer, with little break in between. i started getting louder. not screaming, just deep, controlled moans that felt so good… like i was focusing on the sound i was making rather than the feeling taking over me. i couldn’t stand to be checked and i told them i would be staying in my own clothes. the nurse put us in a birthing suite, light were dim, music was playing, and i sat on my birthing ball swaying and bouncing. with each giant contraction, i leaned back into frankie, and his touch and kisses on my cheek felt so good. over and over i said (yelled) things like “i’m amazing, i can do it, i’m so strong, my baby is coming” over and over… i was in the room less than 30 minutes before i was in transition (but didn’t know it) i had still not been checked so the nurse didn’t even call the midwife in yet.
i lost it at this point. absolutely lost it for what seemed like forever, but in reality was about 10 minutes of panic. i felt SO much pressure on my bottom, and started sweating- dripping in sweat. my body (and baby) were working so hard. i didn’t realize i was transitioning and i couldn’t control my mind anymore at this point. i needed to use the bathroom NOW. and the sweet nurse knew if i was yelling to poop… there was probably a baby coming. frankie somehow got me into the bed, and as the midwife walked in, his head was crowning. i held the bed rails with all my life, and pushed so hard. i don’t remember anyone in the room, not even frankie. i didn’t even have time to focus on how i should push, i felt his head and wondered why the rest wasn’t coming out. it was so overwhelming… and as soon as i felt his shoulders slip out and the rest of his tiny body, i let out the biggest scream of relief. less than 5 pushes and I DID IT. oh my god i just gave birth to a tiny, amazing, perfect human. naturally, without even an iv. i felt so amazing. i wish i could bottle up how i felt, but it was the biggest high. i just had the birth i wanted so badly! and i almost didn’t want it to be over. not the pain… just the feeling of being so in tune with every muscle in my body, knowing when to breath, sit, squat… the feeling of being invincible… i already missed that. a few minutes later, i birthed the placenta.
the midwife set a slippery baby covered in vernix on my chest and i just soaked him in… he was so quiet and alert, looking at me, and i told him how proud of him i was. what a journey! how hard he worked to join our family. they waited for his cord to stop pulsating, and frankie cut it. he latched on and started nursing slowly.
the midwife, nurses, frankie, and i talked but how fast that all happened! less than 45 minutes of being in the hospital! no one could believe it when i told them:)
Silas weighed 6 pounds 9 ounces, and was 20 inches, born at 12:37 am. he’s the perfect addition to our family.