and then there was you.
Kian my sweet firstborn will turn three next week. He has truly been a blessing since the beginning. I will admit, it took me a couple of weeks to really fall in love with him. Don’t get me wrong- I loved him the minute I laid eyes on him, but I was filled with so much anxiety and worry over this new life and this HUGE responsibility I had been given. It took me time to put away my fears, and just enjoy him. Was I ready? Would I know what to do? Would I know when he was hungry? A million doubts filled my mind those early weeks, but I discovered I can do it, he was given to me, and no matter what he will know that I love him. I labored with him for 23 hours. I remember being home for 15 of those hours, spending so much time on my birthing ball in my room. I don’t think I was ready for what would happen 8 hours later. Nothing could have ever prepared me. In an instant I became a mother. Kian’s mother. It’s the greatest honor to call him mine. Seeing the little boy he is growing up to be fills me with such pride. When he cuddles near me at night, I put my face close to his face and breath him in. How could we make something so precious? And when the worry starts to creep it’s way back in, thoughts like “will I always be able to keep him safe and happy?” I remind myself that my job is to love him. And I couldn’t love him more even if I tried.
I like to remind him often of what he means to me. I work hard on our relationship- and it’s just that- a relationship. I respect him and love him and admire him. I care about his feelings and I like his input on things. I constantly tell him what I love about him. I love his hair, I love his eyes, I love when he is kind, I love when he needs me… I told him tonight, “you are a great companion and you’ve made a wonderful and significant difference in my life.” Did he understand what I was saying? No, but I’ll say it anyways. As long as I’m living, my baby he’ll be…
